[He may as well have been hit with the lightning himself. Juzo's body goes rigid, the space around him exploding into sparks—white, bright blue, like a particularly violent sparkler. They don't hurt, and he wishes they did.
So this is how it all ends. He should have ended it back then. Think how much suffering he could have saved Kyosuke? Chisa? The entire world? Were these years inbetween, this stolen friendship, was it worth it?
There's a deep-down, diseased part of him that whispers, yes, and Juzo hates himself for it.
The pain in Kyosuke right now hurts worse than the end of Juzo's own life. He can take this, even if it crushes him—but Kyosuke, having to deal with this betrayal? Right now, right after Chisa. Juzo wishes he knew how to control his emotions by now. He could wrap Kyosuke in his love, which had never been good for anything else. It probably wouldn't be wanted, but even the slightest chance of easing this burden off his shoulders would be worth it. Instead, all he's got is his own shitty excuses and the truth of his own treachery. He tries to take a deep breath but can't; it sticks in his chest, so that he has to take another, and another, each shallow suck of air making the panic rise within him.]
You—you think that's what this is, Munakata?! There's no excuse! I betrayed you. I lied to you! I never deserved the trust you put in me! I've tried—since then—! I've tried to be good enough! I swore I'd never fail you again the way I did that day! I can't. I can't! I always fuck it up! It's not an excuse, it's that I'm worthless!
no subject
[He may as well have been hit with the lightning himself. Juzo's body goes rigid, the space around him exploding into sparks—white, bright blue, like a particularly violent sparkler. They don't hurt, and he wishes they did.
So this is how it all ends. He should have ended it back then. Think how much suffering he could have saved Kyosuke? Chisa? The entire world? Were these years inbetween, this stolen friendship, was it worth it?
There's a deep-down, diseased part of him that whispers, yes, and Juzo hates himself for it.
The pain in Kyosuke right now hurts worse than the end of Juzo's own life. He can take this, even if it crushes him—but Kyosuke, having to deal with this betrayal? Right now, right after Chisa. Juzo wishes he knew how to control his emotions by now. He could wrap Kyosuke in his love, which had never been good for anything else. It probably wouldn't be wanted, but even the slightest chance of easing this burden off his shoulders would be worth it. Instead, all he's got is his own shitty excuses and the truth of his own treachery. He tries to take a deep breath but can't; it sticks in his chest, so that he has to take another, and another, each shallow suck of air making the panic rise within him.]
You—you think that's what this is, Munakata?! There's no excuse! I betrayed you. I lied to you! I never deserved the trust you put in me! I've tried—since then—! I've tried to be good enough! I swore I'd never fail you again the way I did that day! I can't. I can't! I always fuck it up! It's not an excuse, it's that I'm worthless!