[There we go. There it is. Juzo knew it'd be coming the second he admitted to the blackmail.
Well, what does it matter? This is the end anyway; he can't possibly drive Kyosuke away any more than he already has. He was right before: there is no excuse. Anything he says here will just hammer home the point of how pathetic he really is.
He could refuse to answer, but that doesn't feel right either. Maybe it's his selfishness talking, but he's spent so many years laboring under some sick hope that the matter would be taken out of his hands after all, that Kyosuke would find out and Juzo would be free of his burden at last, even if it meant being rejected and tossed aside. Now that it's come to this, shouldn't he just get it all out? The thought fills him with a years-old dread so powerful it sickens him—but he can't shake it.
It's time.
Except the thought of just coming out and saying it at a time like this is fucking laughable. So much so that he actually does laugh. The sound bubbles bitterly out of his throat, choked and wet; he squeezes his eyes closed even tighter.
But then he opens them, meeting Kyosuke's gaze.]
. . . Fine. I'll show you. How's that? You wanna know so bad—you deserve to know just how pathetic I am. Come with me to that tree with the creepy memory powers, and I'll show you exactly what happened. That good enough for you?
After this—I won't expect you to ever talk to me again. I won't ask, so don't worry.
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Well, what does it matter? This is the end anyway; he can't possibly drive Kyosuke away any more than he already has. He was right before: there is no excuse. Anything he says here will just hammer home the point of how pathetic he really is.
He could refuse to answer, but that doesn't feel right either. Maybe it's his selfishness talking, but he's spent so many years laboring under some sick hope that the matter would be taken out of his hands after all, that Kyosuke would find out and Juzo would be free of his burden at last, even if it meant being rejected and tossed aside. Now that it's come to this, shouldn't he just get it all out? The thought fills him with a years-old dread so powerful it sickens him—but he can't shake it.
It's time.
Except the thought of just coming out and saying it at a time like this is fucking laughable. So much so that he actually does laugh. The sound bubbles bitterly out of his throat, choked and wet; he squeezes his eyes closed even tighter.
But then he opens them, meeting Kyosuke's gaze.]
. . . Fine. I'll show you. How's that? You wanna know so bad—you deserve to know just how pathetic I am. Come with me to that tree with the creepy memory powers, and I'll show you exactly what happened. That good enough for you?
After this—I won't expect you to ever talk to me again. I won't ask, so don't worry.