againstdespair: (alone with my thoughts)
宗方 京助 | Munakata Kyosuke ([personal profile] againstdespair) wrote2017-01-15 02:39 am

IC Contact

Sometimes you just need to send a messenger bird. Or a package. Or a private conversation out of the blue. Whatever the reason, this post is for you!
rockyxiii: (bound to crack)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-18 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
[The memory that unfolds . . .

( . . . spans slightly more than that clip, starting with Junko's defeat of Juzo and exclamation that she knows his weakness, his secret feelings, before continuing to that, and then on to the point where she demands Juzo betray Kyosuke in exchange for her silence. But that's a good glimpse of it, right there.)

Juzo watches.

He'd half planned to turn on his heel and be already walking away, maybe even completely out of sight, by the time Kyosuke was done watching. But his legs are like jelly, his feet like stone. He can't move. He tells himself, as soon as he sees the disgust on Kyosuke's face, when the memory is over—then he'll leave. He'll run if he has to, to get the fuck out of here before Kyosuke can say anything to him about it. Maybe Juzo's resigned now to the end of their friendship, but that doesn't mean he wants his last memories of Kyosuke to be the dawning horror on his face when he realizes his best friend is a coward, a homo, a rapacious vulture who'd circled him all these years under false pretenses—

Somehow, even the memory of Kyosuke screaming at him to stop talking is better than that.

But he can't do anything about it yet, no matter how much he tries to move his legs. He's frozen with the same deep terror that had settled in his bones that day with Enoshima in the rain, where he made the wrong choice knowing it was the wrong choice because he was too locked up with fear to make the right one.

So he watches, his body tense, drenched with rain.

And there's one tiny fluttering part of him deep down inside that, despite the abject horror of everything else, thinks: I'm finally free.

Kyosuke knows. The worst has happened at last.

Juzo never has to feel this fear again. He just has to wonder if the misery of a life without Kyosuke will be worth it.]
Edited (wow) 2017-03-18 02:16 (UTC)
rockyxiii: (you feel like you been here)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-18 08:14 am (UTC)(link)
[The way Juzo envisioned this going, he was already gone by now. But here he's gone and fucked that up too, like he does everything else—

Once in a while, maybe it's for the best.

He does manage a couple steps backwards when Kyosuke tosses the petal aside. It's only been raining for the brief time they've been standing here, but the ground already feels squishy beneath his feet, and he stumbles when he steps back, barely catching himself. At least, he's going to blame the ground for that, not his own clumsiness in his wound-up desperation to escape the situation. Of course, by the time Kyosuke whispers his name, he hasn't managed to make his escape yet. He's barely even started. As quiet as the word is out of Kyosuke's mouth, he's close enough to hear it easily.

Juzo would have told himself that there wasn't much Kyosuke could say that would stop him in his tracks. It would have been a lie—who is he kidding? He's fucking helpless to deny Kyosuke anything. Any attempt to stop him from leaving would have worked, even if it had been the shout of disgust that Juzo had expected. But, that aside, there's not much that would have cut his escape off shorter than this—his name, on Kyosuke's lips. The one word says so much more than wait or stop would have. It pulls Juzo's heart up into his mouth. He can feel his body crackling with another sparking line of static again and he knows it's red or orange this time, not blue.

The rain doesn't stop, but it begins to ease, just a little.]


Munakata—

[Even though that's all he's ever called him, it feels wrong in response to this. Still, it takes a few tries to get it right.]

K. K . . . K, Kyosuke.

[His face feels so fucking stupid right now. He's painfully aware of how open it is, compared to his usual closed-off scowl.]

I . . .
rockyxiii: (so what the hell)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-18 09:14 am (UTC)(link)
—Whu? Huh?

[For half a second, Juzo thinks he's saying something else, and is confused as to why he can't understand the word when it comes out.

Oh. Wait. Oh.

. . . He can't help it. He's so tense after everything that he feels like he might just spontaneously shatter into a billion shards, but instead of anything that dramatic, it finds another way out: he starts laughing. It is definitely not as funny as all that, but right now, after everything today, it's the funniest fucking thing in the world, and goddammit, he'll take it. He couldn't hold it back if he tried.

He cracks the fuck up, lifting his hand to half-cover his face.]
rockyxiii: (won't you help me get through)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-18 03:23 pm (UTC)(link)
A-aah! Right—

[There's an argument to be made that, between laughing at Kyosuke for his stupidly timed sneeze and now cutting it off in his concern for his health, Juzo is encompassing the whole "best friend" spectrum here. Something like that.

He shakes his head, catches his breath, and finally manages to find it in himself to walk over to Kyosuke properly, though he has no idea what to do when he gets there. How does one offer to touch their best friend, in comfort and solidarity, after indirectly confessing to them? It feels like it's probably inappropriate to even think about it, right? But after a long pause, he finally, slowly reaches out to put his hand on Kyosuke's upper arm so that he can make to gently steer him away from the tree. That's . . . probably safe? Juzo braces himself for Kyosuke to recoil, anyway, but maybe . . . ]


S, sorry. Munakata—Kyosuke. We should get out of all this before you really get sick.

[But the rain is also beginning to clear at last, the downpour easing into a light sprinkle even as Juzo speaks. He's still tense; his voice is still thick with emotion and fear. After his laughing fit, his eyes are finally a little teary, the laughter making the perfect excuse for those tears to squeeze out after all. Just a few. But the storm is finally abating.]
rockyxiii: (I'm halfway to my knees)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-19 08:51 am (UTC)(link)
[Juzo doesn't know exactly what Kyosuke means by that, but his response is still pretty immediate.]

. . . Don't say stupid-ass things like that, Munakata.

[Ah, he's not used to it yet. Should he be getting used to it? Is he being allowed that—? Why?

He corrects himself anyway.]


—Kyosuke.

[Saying the name makes his chest flutter, and despite everything happening right now (what is happening right now? Will it start making sense anytime soon?!), he feels the usual pang of self-loathing along with it. The reflex is too ingrained to just shove away that easily. I'm lying to Kyosuke. Every moment he spends with him is a lie . . .

But not anymore. That's right. If his heart speeds up, if his face feels warm, Kyosuke knows now. He knows and he's letting Juzo touch him anyway.

The air around them warms even more, the rain slowing to a few occasional fat drops. There's a streetlamp overhead lighting the park at night; its bluish glow begins to gradually shift into a rich sodium-burning orange-red, throwing a different light off the crystal petals still surrounding them.]


You're—you're an idiot, saying that kinda thing. . . . I'm exactly what I said I was. I'm—so much of a coward that I made you sit through that humiliating bullshit just now because I couldn't just come out and say what the hell I needed to.

[Juzo honestly isn't sure he's going to now until it comes out of his mouth. But it does.]

I. I still—I haven't stopped, I . . .

I love you.
rockyxiii: (so what the hell)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-21 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
[By now he's managed to lead them back to the bench he was originally sitting on, a bit away from the tree, but close enough that the glow of the crystals scatters light across the ground at their feet. When Kyosuke takes Juzo's hand, the rest of the world stops. He's still talking, but for Juzo, for a moment, there's nothing but silence and stillness only broken by the pounding of his heart in his chest. After a beat, he squeezes Kyousuke's hand back, feeling like he might faint; his own hands are warm, as they always are, and he wonders what would happen if he took Kyosuke's hands between his to warm them—

But the world hasn't actually stopped. Kyosuke is still talking, and when Juzo tunes back in and catches up . . .

Something's not right.]


—Uh. Uh, no, you . . . K, Kyosuke, you—

[This is a terrible misunderstanding. Juzo's not sure how he could have misunderstood that memory, but clearly he has, somehow!]

I-I, you—don't get what I'm saying! I love you. I love you. No, what I mean is, I'm in love with you! I'm not saying that the same way you mean it. I'm not talking about friendship, I—I want you!

[Because that can't possibly be what Kyosuke means. He's talking about the love between two good platonic friends. Of course he is.]
rockyxiii: (I'm a penny in a diamond mine)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-21 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
[Juzo spends all that time Kyosuke is fumbling for words assuming that he's fumbling for a kind way to let Juzo down, and thinks about interrupting him to say, I know, it's fine, you don't have to worry about me being weird about it, I gave up on you years ago . . .

But once again, he gets something much more surprising.

This whole day has felt like an insane nightmare. Maybe it really has been one, and now his brain is taking pity on him and turning it into a nicer dream, one he'll wake up from before long and be disappointed like he always is when he has these, but at least a respite from the ongoing nightmare. When Kyosuke pulls back, Juzo just stares for a moment and waits to wake up. Any second now. Surely soon . . .

The world around him isn't quite so passive, though: already the ground at their feet is beginning to bloom with red roses. The vines curl up out of the ground, bud, and open, all within the time Juzo spends stunned into silence. (They might be familiar-looking roses.)

When he still hasn't woken up yet a few long, silent moments later, Juzo does literally the only thing he can think of to do: he pulls Kyosuke back over for another kiss.

Look, he's been holding this inside for a really long time.]
rockyxiii: (start a housefire with us in the middle)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-03-22 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
[Does he?! He still feels like he can't possibly be understanding this right—but at this point, there's nothing left to think. The reality is finally beginning to penetrate his skull. Kyosuke had said he loved him, and then kissed him. His brain looks for any other possible way to interpret it and comes up blank. The only explanation is . . . this, right here.

He manages not to lean in and close the distance again, but it takes a lot of effort; for a moment he looks like he might. His expression overall has no fucking idea what to do other than look stunned, until finally, he begins to smile. Awkward, tentative, but how can he help it?!]


Aah . . . sorry if I . . . got carried away there.

[That is like .000001% of how carried away he could get right now. He could literally carry Kyosuke away, all the way back to his room. No! Don't get caught up in that shit yet!]

I, uh. Uhhh. —I . . . guess now isn't really the time to work everything out.

[God, that's right. Not five minutes ago, Kyosuke had been absolutely losing his shit, and with good reason. Juzo swallows down a lump in his throat. How selfish is he to even think about this right now when he should be supportive instead?!]

Can you walk yet? You've gotta get dried off. You could probably use a drink, too. I'll—I'll be here however you need me, Kyosuke. Just leave it to me.
rockyxiii: (guilt is played on the violin)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-04-08 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I've got beer at home, at least, but—I should probably help you back to your own place instead. I want you to be comfortable.

[Not that Juzo's place isn't, but it's still unfamiliar territory, maybe not the most comforting thing in the moment. And then he'd be stuck there with Juzo. Right now, Juzo's not even sure if Kyosuke would rather be with him or alone. Should he stay, when they get back inside? Leave him? Maybe it'll be more clear when the moment comes.

He forces himself to pull back and to his feet and extends a hand to help Kyosuke up, if he wants it.]


Let's go.
rockyxiii: (for the millionth time I got a love)

[personal profile] rockyxiii 2017-04-08 11:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[Juzo's hand can't decide whether to drop Kyosuke's or not as they walk. He waffles between the two, his grip loosening as if to let their fingers slip apart and their arms swing loose again, then tightening to maintain the contact. They're still touching as the two of them head away from the tree and the tower and back towards their apartments, and once in a while, another rose begins to blossom when Juzo's foot comes down on the crack between cobbles in the road. The air has gone pleasantly warm and dry—a complete contrast to the heavy, freezing rain of before.

And if all that weren't embarrassing enough, then Kyosuke asks about the roses!

Juzo huffs out a short, nervous laugh, refusing eye contact, though he doesn't pull his hand away.]


Yeah. . . . You sent me something on Valentine's Day. If you knew how much I obsessed over those flowers and that letter, you'd really understand how pathetic I am. I couldn't stop myself from sending something back. Even though I knew—Yukizome told me all about how you two—

[He stops and shakes his head.

At the time, he'd felt like he was sharing a happy moment with his best friend. The culmination of her feelings at last. Of course she'd tell Juzo, and of course Juzo would be happy for her, but now . . . now he can't know. He doesn't want to think about it.]


—So I felt like shit about it, but I couldn't stop myself from sending you something for White Day.

It's not like I'd ever done anything like that before in my life. There's no Valentine's Day or White Day for homos. I wouldn't've dared.